What Should I Do ?

    

              It's been a long time that I am dependent to my parents. I also want to be responsible but I can SEE that my parents doesn't want me to do other things. I said I want to get a boarding house but they didn't allow. It's like they treat me like a kid BUT! when I do something wrong, they tell me that I'm not a kid anymore.
               My aunt's boyfriend always teases me because I am such a baby or something. And I hate when they tell me that.


               So, now I'm 4 month preggy and I don't know where else to go yet except here in my parent's house.
They say that they would support me- something like that.




                But what I'm pisses off is that when, I can FEEL (I trust my instincts and they are always right) that they see me as a stressor and they don't accept me of what just happened. Oh! so, let's say my instincts are wrong? It's just not instincts, I saw their facial expressions and also they even said it that I'm a stressor.


There are hurtful words they were saying that I couldn't forget.

• My dad told me "You're not my father anymore, when you... etc, I won't bother, I won't care"
• "You're dull" . .. (told me since I was in 6th grade)
• *some sighs... .
• Blames.. (Oh!! even though they tell that they won't blame me! BUT I'm not a douchebag! I.. CAN.. READ.. EMOTIONS!!)
• ETC...

             Well, I felt bad what they said. I know it was for my own good but- I think it was too harsh.
If only I have enough money, I would run away far away and stay in a hinter land. I'll find a way how to get a work. 


            Or if ever I just want to live temporarily with my grandmother there until the child is grown enough. I'll work at the streets if I have to (like I will sell food like my grandmother did to her children at her time). 
             
            Oh yeah, if you remember I have a boyfriend, of course I didn't forget about him, but he has to work. But I can't just live at his house with his parents or at his dad's house at Japan, I mean just imagine it. If you conclude that (we're not even married) I'm in his house- like.. .I really don't have the right to stay there, what..?   live-in?? 
            
            I know he doesn't want to shoulder all of my problems,  but I'm thinking for his parents and what would they feel right? ooohhhh.. .T~T I can't see anymore of what would happen to me in the end. 
            
          Iiiggh!!.. .Iggh.... iiigghh.. .T~T, I really am a disgrace. I wish I didn't even exist, this wouldn't be happening to my parents and their reputation. And also to my BF that he wouldn't be worrying and won't work very very hard just for this.. .and for the future..becuase of course he is involve in my situation and not to mention he said "they would kill me if I tell them "what if" that is our child" .. That phrases made me stressed out and I really have to figure out ASAP for solutions because I don't want to ruin his life and his career because of me, (right?). *sighs*.. . ='(  ohh God, please help me.. Y_Y